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Dear John Takes a Walk to Remember is the mash-up title that best defines this latest Nicholas Sparks adaptation supposedly written specifically for Miley Cyrus. I’m showing my age and intellectual snobbery by laughing at the notion that anyone writes anything specifically for her, especially grown men.

With the release of The Last Song, critics and bloggers of all sorts have decided to make sport of the Sparks protocol, which presents lovers who meet, sing, dance and love purely and innocently and confront the inevitable limitations of life and living while also proving to initially disapproving parental figures that their young love is real and true.

Here, the wayward Ronnie (Cyrus) rebels because she’s unable to adjust to the dissolution of her parents’ marriage and her father’s Southern exile. When dear old dad (Greg Kinnear) opens his home to Ronnie and her younger brother (Bobby Coleman) for a summer stay, we know it will change the lives of everyone forever. In no time, she meets a cute guy (Liam Hemsworth, who looks like a cross between Hayden Christensen and Channing Tatum with sadly comparable acting skills and charisma) with a whole host of family issues of his own.

The Last Song is a Pop song without any pop, rhythm or soul. Grade: D